The Weight of Expectation
by ambrosiagrl
Summary: Jackson and April deal with the beginnings of attraction between them in the midst of studying for the boards. Set in mid season 8.
1. Chapter 1

This story begins midway into season 8. Everything about Jackson and April's past is canon but the story will take a different route than the show did. This story will have about 4 parts. Here's the first installment.

Disclaimer: I own nothing! No copyright infringement intended.

**The Weight of Expectation**

**Part 1: Confusion**

Joe's bar was bustling when Jackson Avery walked in. He could barely hear himself think over the noise. He had gone home after work to study with April, but when he didn't find her there, he ended up falling asleep on the couch with a medical journal in his hand. It was his phone that woke him. An unfamiliar number showed on his caller ID. When he answered, it was Joe on the other end, telling him that he might want to come down and get April since she'd had too much to drink. Jackson rushed out of their apartment immediately.

He'd found April sitting at the bar, smiling into an empty glass. "Fill me up Joe!" She shouted over the music.

"You're done for the night, April. Sorry," the bartender told her.

April's mouth fell open. "Hey! I'm a paying customer!"

"April." Jackson came up beside her. "I think you've had enough."

"Jackson! My friend! Mis amigo!" She nudged him with her elbow in his side.

"Come on," he said, pulling her to her feet. She stumbled and fell into him.

He heard her sigh loudly. "I can go to sleep right here," she said, pressing her head to his chest.

Jackson threw a thank you in Joe's direction and and guided April out of the bar. It was cool and wet outside, a result of the week of rain the city had experienced.

April shivered. "It's a cold, cold world," she crooned as Jackson put her into the passenger side seat of his car. He buckled her in and then went around to the drivers side.

In the many years that Jackson had known April, he'd never seen her drunk. Sure he'd seen her tipsy and a little giggly, and he'd seen her buzzed and a little sulky, but he'd never seen her fall down, out of her mind, won't remember any of this in the morning drunk before. Until now.

She rolled her window down and let the chilled air rush in. Her red curls blew around her face. She turned to him. "Do you ever feel like your best isn't enough?" she asked softly. All the rambunctious drunkenness gone for the moment.

He glanced at her and then back to the road. "Sometimes. All doctors do sometimes."

April sat back, her head lolling against the headrest and seemed to mull something over. They rode the rest of the way home in silence.

Jackson parked then went to the passenger side to pull April out of the car. He attempted to pick her up and carry her to the apartment to make the walk easier on both of them, but April refused, claiming that she was not drunk and that she wouldn't be treated like she was incapable of walking to her own apartment. He would have insisted but her voice had become loud and assertive and he didn't want to draw the attention of the neighbors. So he bared her weight to his side and looped his arm around her waist to help keep her balanced. They were doing okay until they got to the elevator. A guy who lived a few doors down from them stepped inside behind them, drawing April's attention.

"Hi, Mr. Elevator _Man_," she drew out the last word, placing unnecessary importance on it.

"April," Jackson said, trying to make his voice stern and reproachful and failing miserably at it.

"Shhh," she replied, pointedly directing her eyes to their neighbor. "Mr. Elevator Man might hear you."

The laugh that followed was ridiculously high pitched and cute. Jackson couldn't help his short burst of laughter that he tried to cover with a cough.

Their neighbor looked back at them clearly annoyed.

Jackson straightened up. "I apologize for my friend, she's... inebriated."

"Hey!" April barked. She pointed a finger at Jackson, narrowing her eyes. "There's nothing wrong with my knees."

Jackson's brows furrowed and their neighbor looked away, shaking his head. "I didn't say… You know what? Let's just get you home."

The elevator dinged at the fifth floor and Jackson maneuvered them to their apartment door. By this time, April had become handsy. She was grabbing at his shirt and one of her hands kept gliding down to his waist and then back up to his chest. He hadn't put too much thought into the touching until they reached the door and her hand slipped under his shirt and landed cool against the heated skin of his lower abdomen. Then he couldn't think about anything but her touching him, and how her hand was sending blood to a place that it shouldn't be going.

"April," Jackson said, cautiously removing her hand from under his shirt. She didn't seem to notice how his voice had deepened, how he looked a little closer at her, how he let his eyes roam over her slight frame before snapping out of whatever trance her hand against his skin had put him in. "You're blocking the door."

"Am I?" she asked dreamily. Her body swayed to an unheard beat, and again, he was entranced.

This had been a thing with him lately. April could do the slightest of things and he'd become so engrossed in it that he'd lose himself. More than once, he'd caught himself staring at her for too long. At first he'd blamed it on the lack of female presence in his life. Aside from April, he hadn't been in the lone company of a woman since his mom had played match maker with a junior urologist. But as time went on and this weird vibe persisted, Jackson wasn't so sure about that being the reason.

Jackson reached past April to unlock the door. "Alright," he said swinging the door open and leaving room for her to pass into their apartment. April crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips. Was she... no she wasn't, but?

"But I don't want to go in," she whined.

Yes, she was. April was pouting. Jackson shook his head then bent down to swiftly pick April up. He flung her face first over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, securing her with his arm around the back of her knees.

April squealed and laughed uncontrollably. She shoved her hand into his back pocket and yanked his wallet out. "Jackson Avery," she said.

Jackson kicked the door closed with the heel of his shoe. "You're so drunk," he responded, hearing his wallet fall to the hardwood floor.

He took her to her room and deposited her onto her overly fluffed bed. She fell back with a bounce. "Woo!"

"You're going to hate yourself in the morning. Hate," he repeated as he slipped her shoes off. Her toes were painted red. She wiggled them and settled into her very frilly, fluffy and pillowy bed. Jackson tried to imagine how she found room enough to sleep but that thought quickly wandered into non best friend territory so he shook the thought of April on a bed away. "Goodnight, April." He turned to leave.

"Jackson?" Her voice had gone from boisterous to soft. He stopped.

"Yeah?"

"We're best friends, right?"

"Of course."

"If I don't have anyone else, I have you?"

"Any time."

She reached her hand out to him. He took it and she pulled him down into her bed. "I don't have a date to my little sister's wedding."

"Alice is getting married?" He asked, surprised. Besides April, Alice was the only unmarried daughter her parents had. She was the baby of the family.

April nodded, tears welling in her eyes. "Little Alice is getting married," she said, her voice small and sad.

She looked defeated and he wanted to comfort her. He didn't know exactly what upset her about Alice getting married though he could imagine a few reasons, but he did know how to make her feel better. Jackson wrapped an arm around April's shoulder and pulled her to him. She settled her head beneath his chin. "Hey, I'll be your date," he told her.

"Who knows where we'll end up after boards." It was true. They would most likely all go their separate ways. Offers were already coming in from top programs in the country. Tulaine and Emery both wanted him and April had more than a few prospects after her, Case Western being the one she was leaning most toward.

"It doesn't matter where I am, April. You can call me and I'll be there."

She sniffed and smiled up at him. "You're a great friend, Jackson Avery." After a long silence, she asked "Do you wanna hear about my pig in Moline?"

Not what he'd expected her to say but anything was better than tears. "Sure."

They relaxed onto the mound of pillows.

"Everyone says pigs are stupid because they have these tiny, little pea brains, but my pig, he's sooo smart. He's avoided slaughter for years…." she trailed off. The room fell silent aside from the tick of the small clock on April's desk.

Jackson wasn't sure how much time had passed before he probed, "And?"

"_And?_" Was April's sleepy reply.

"The pig."

"_Oh._ He's fat. Huge. His name is Ja…"

After some silence, Jackson lifted his head to glance down at April. She was asleep, turned close to his side, her head resting against his chest.

He should leave. Leaving was the right thing to do. It would save April any unnecessary embarrassment in the morning and it would save him from having to face the truth that he'd been trying to ignore and admit that he liked the way this felt. He liked having his best friend this close. Admitting that would open up a can of worms that he wasn't sure he was prepared to deal with. There were a million reasons why he should leave, but instead he pushed one shoe off with the toe of the other and then the other with his socked toes.

When had it happened? When had things shifted with them? When had he started seeing April Kepner as more than just a friend? If he was honest with himself he'd have to admit that it had been brewing for a while. It had started small: she'd smiled at him and he'd felt unusually happy about it, she'd saved his seat beside her at lunch and he'd appreciated it, she'd been sympathetic but not sappy about his breakup with Lexie and he was grateful for that, a shared moment at the dinner table when a simple touch had felt like so much more. Little things, built on years of friendship and closeness had paved the way for attraction to take place.

Jackson glanced down at the woman sleeping in his arms. He lifted her hand to push her hair out of her face and his fingers lingered above her cheek. He dropped his hand, refusing to indulge his desire to touch her there. Then he settled further into April's unbelievably soft bed. The last thought he had before he drifted off to sleep was how right it all felt.

* * *

The world was warm and smelled faintly of soap and a hint of spice. April pressed closer to that warmth and scent, content in a way she had never been. Nothing about the difference in the way she woke up today, and the way she'd woken up every other day of her life registered at first, but then it began to settle in, the difference. Slowly, the events from her night started to come back in little embarrassing flashes, starting with her walking into Joe's and ordering a drink, then another, and another. She had been on an out of control bender, and then there was Jackson.

Jackson.

It took a moment after opening her sore eyes for April to realize that the warmth she felt was Jackson Avery. They were pressed close to each other, her head resting in the crook of his neck, his arm was draped over her waist, his breathing was deep and even. April's mind raced. She'd never been this close to a man, this intimate, yet it was all she could think about lately. Being with a man and not just any man. This man. April inwardly groaned. This strange deviation in her thoughts about Jackson had become a constant thing that she tried so hard to ignore, but there was no way she could ignore it now, not when she was this close to him, not when she had slept in his arms. A tendril of something close to desire swirled in her chest. She had to get out of the bed, away from Jackson. Quickly.

April jerked up and immediately regretted it. Her room spun in a dizzying way. She attempted to lie back down but it was too late. Everything that she'd consumed the day before was already rising back up into her throat. She rushed from the bed, just making it to the wastebasket by her desk. She heaved and her stomach convulsed. Distantly, she felt her hair being pulled back from the line of fire and a gentle rubbing of her back. She remained bent over, face in the basket until there was nothing left inside to come up.

"I'm _so_ sorry," she said weakly. Her voice reverberated in the wastebasket.

"Don't apologize. It happens to the best of us." Jackson's voice was groggy but soothing and reassuring.

April pushed the basket aside and sat back, resting her head against a leg of her desk. She used her shirt to wipe her mouth.

Jackson stood up. "I'll get you some water." He left and came back quickly.

The cold water felt good going down. "Thank you."

"No problem."

She lifted her eyes to his. "For everything."

"I know."

"Was I really bad last night?"

He grinned. "Not too bad, though you did call the guy who lives in 5C "Mr. Elevator Man. Twice."

April groaned, mortified.

Jackson bent down, squeezing her shoulder. "Don't worry about it. It happens to the best of us."

She groaned again. "I'm just gonna… shower. Yeah, shower. I need a shower… _and_ a toothbrush," she added, her face turning slightly red.

"Alright." Jackson helped her up. "Don't beat yourself up about last night."

"Right," she said nodding. "Happens to the best of us," she parroted.

Jackson gave her a look that she couldn't quite read before leaving her room.

"Oh, God." April flopped down on her bed. She was never drinking again. Okay, maybe that was too extreme. She was never drinking that _much_ again.

After some time had passed, she finally felt good enough to get up without the world disappearing from under her feet. She thought back to the phone call from her younger sister that had sent her into last night's tailspin. Little Alice was engaged. Her youngest sister was getting married. April had wanted to be happy for Alice, but all she could do was rush her sister off the phone with a lame work excuse. She had gone to Joe's to let off steam and ended up so drunk, she could hardly remember what she had done or what she'd said.

Her heart began to race and she felt sick again. This time she pushed past the nausea. She walked over to her desk, opened a drawer and pulled out a small red notepad. She didn't open it, just fingered the frayed edges of paper. There had been a time when she took this notebook everywhere with her, a time when she was constantly jotting down affirmations to help boost her self esteem. With all of her growth at the hospital and the friendships she'd formed, with her confidence as a doctor increasing every day, she'd believed that those days were behind her, but now she wasn't so sure. After a minute or two she placed the notebook back into her desk and closed the drawer.

One day she would get up the nerve to throw the thing in the trash. Today wasn't that day.

* * *

Jackson pulled on a pair of sweat pants with a matching hoodie and a pair of Nike's after taking a shower. He left his room, running into Alex Karev in the kitchen. His roommate was wearing a scowl and eating a bowl of cereal.

"You two sleeping together?" Alex asked around a mouth full of food.

"What?"

"You and April. I heard you two come in last night, sounded rowdy."

Jackson grabbed a bowl from a cabinet. "No," he replied, shaking his head. "We're not sleeping together. April got drunk last night. I helped her get back here. That's all."

"Kepner drunk?" Alex smirked.

Jackson still had a hard time believing it himself. "Yep."

Alex stuffed a spoonful in his mouth. "That, I would have paid to see."

"Paid to see what?" April asked, her voice extra perky, a stark contrast to what she'd sounded like less than an hour ago. She'd showered and was wearing jeans and a blue t shirt that hugged her chest. There had been a time when Jackson wouldn't have noticed how good she looked. April had always been April, his friend. Not a woman whom he looked at as, well, a woman.

"Nothing," Jackson quickly interjected before Alex could get a word out. The other man grunted and turned his atten

tion to the back of the cereal box.

April gave them both a quizzical look but didn't peruse more of an answer. She fished through the cabinets and the refrigerator. "Where is all my fruit, my vegetables? Even my steel cut oatmeal is gone. You two don't even _eat_ steel cut oatmeal."

Alex looked up from his box. "A girl I met a week ago is a bit of a health nut."

April slammed a cabinet. "You haven't been letting 'a girl you met a week ago' eat my food have you?"

Alex looked guilty. "She needed to keep her energy up. Long nights."

Jackson bit back his smile while April's face contorted in disgust. "Just ew," she said, leaving the kitchen.

"You're never living that one down," Jackson threw over his shoulder to Alex as he followed April out of the kitchen. "Hey, where are you going?"

"To the store for food, real food, and to the hardware store _for a lock_. Karev's disease infested women aren't going to be eating up my-"

"How are you feeling?" Jackson cut in, preventing April from continuing her rant.

She pulled her jacket on and flipped her red hair from the collar and sighed. "Besides embarrassed, humiliated and completely ashamed? Fine."

Jackson laughed lightly. "You had fun last night." Until the tears, he thought. "Don't beat yourself up over it."

She nodded. "You're right."

"I usually am."

She hit him playfully in his arm before grabbing her bag and leaving the house. Jackson stared at the closed front door, his thoughts all over the place.

"If you're not sleeping with her, you want to," Alex quipped, breezing past him to the door.

"Shut up, Karev," was Jackson's only response.

That afternoon, Jackson scrubbed in with Mark Sloan on a cleft palate. He enjoyed working under Mark, even if the older doctor was grossly inappropriate and in love with Jackson's ex girlfriend. Over the past few months, Jackson thought less and less about Lexie and their once relationship. It had been nice before he realized that she was still in love with Mark and then it was pathetic and Jackson had refused to do pathetic. When it came down to whether or not he and Lexie would continue, he decided to choose himself and his career. They were still friends, amicable, no hard feelings.

"So how is studying going?" Mark asked as they scrubbed out of surgery.

"It's okay. They hypotheticals are kicking my butt."

"You'll be fine. Still studying with Kepner?"

"Yeah."

Mark dried his hands on a towel. "Is that all you two are doing?"

Jackson stared at his mentor, confused. "What are you getting at?"

"_Oh nothing_. Just that I remember studying for the boards and how intense things can get. Sometimes you need a release." Mark waggled his brows suggestively.

Jackson frowned. Not him and April. He could never with April. She was his friend. His very inexperienced friend. And yet, he'd been thinking of her and looking at her in a more than friend way lately. "You're the second person today to ask if I'm sleeping with April."

Mark put his hands up in defense. "I didn't ask."

Jackson tossed his towel into a bin. "You pretty much did."

They walked out into the hallway.

"So are you?" Mark asked. He eyed Jackson suspiciously.

"What? No. April and I are just friends."

"So are Callie and I," Mark countered.

"We're not friends like you and Callie. We're friends like Grey and Yang. We don't sleep together."

"If Grey and Yang were lesbians, they would sleep together," Mark replied, assuredly.

"You know what? I can't talk to you." Jackson started walking determinedly in the opposite direction of the other doctor. "I won't talk to you," he added over his shoulder.

Mark's arrogant laugh followed Jackson down the hallway.

He would go for a run. Yes, a run would do him some good. Get his thoughts back functioning the way they were supposed to. As Jackson got in his car, his phone vibrated. It was his mom. He groaned, before answering the call. "Hey, Mom."

* * *

April spent her off day shopping for groceries and washing her laundry. She'd decided that she needed to cleanse her body of all impurities and get back on track. She picked up every green vegetable she could find and some fruit to go with it. When she got back to her apartment, she washed all of her clothes and stripped her sheets from her bed to wash them too. Before she put them in the machine she held them to her nose, hoping to catch the lingering scent of Jackson on them. She felt ridiculous for doing it, even more ridiculous when she couldn't find his scent anywhere on the sheets.

Had she gotten so desperate in her need for companionship that she was now lusting after her best friend? What was wrong with her? She needed a place to put these feelings so that she could rid herself of them. If she could only pinpoint exactly when she started looking at Jackson and not just seeing her friend, then maybe she would be able to undo it all. Sometimes when she was alone she would attempt to remember the day when it all changed, but she only ended up with an endless list. A look here, a touch there, a laugh, a shared inside joke, a dinner they shared alone when Alex hadn't bothered to show up for their group study session.

_Yes, definitely that night._

It wasn't supposed to be romantic but as they'd sat across from each other at the table, all April could think about was how romantic it felt, just the two of them enjoying a dinner he'd watched her prepare and drinking the wine he'd bought home. They'd talked about their day at work, about surgeries, April had spoken openly about how everyone back home was rooting for her and expecting her to be great and how sometimes the weight of it all could be suffocating. Jackson understood that very well. He had his own weight in the form of his grandfather, Harper Avery. He had a larger than life figure that he was measured against every day of his life. April couldn't begin to understand.

She'd reached out that night across the table and took his hand in hers. It has been a simple act, really, comfort. Something that she hadn't even thought about. It wasn't until their hands were clasped together and her heart started beating a little faster that she actually put any thought into it at all. It was all very personal, very intimate. Her eyes met Jackson's blue-green eyes and there was something in the way he looked at her that made her heart flutter. But in an instant it was gone and he was pulling his hand away. They awkwardly cleared the table and avoided making any more eye contact.

That night they'd gone to their separate rooms, not even bothering an attempt at studying. April stayed up in her bed, tossing and turning, trying to undo that moment between them. Desperately trying to work it into something palatable in her head. Something that she would be able to accept. It hadn't worked.

The next morning Jackson had been his normal self. Teasing her and joking with Alex and just being Jackson. It was as though the night before had never happened. April took his lead and ever since then, she'd been tiptoeing around the elephant in the room, unsure of how she felt but knowing she felt more than she should. She overcompensated for her feelings by being even more bubbly than she normally was, and she tried to be the super duper best friend to him in hopes that one day it wouldn't be an act and she'd be his best friend without wanting to be more. Sadly, deep down she knew that that would never happen. The bell had already been rung, there was no going back for her, no matter how badly she wanted to.

* * *

The whirl of the blender greeted Jackson as he entered his apartment. The place smelled like freshly turned earth and as he walked into the kitchen and saw April pouring something bright green into a glass from the blender, he could understand why. On the counter was a cookie sheet filled with crinkly green things that almost made Jackson want to turn tail and hide in his room. This wasn't April's usual thing. Normally he'd walk in and the house would smell like roasting chicken or fresh baked cookies. It would smell warm and inviting, not raw and earthy.

"What are you doing?"

April looked up, surprised to see him. "Oh! Detoxing," she answered lifting the green bubbly stuff to her mouth and taking a long sip. "Last night was a doozy."

Jackson cringed. "That can't be good."

"Actually, it's great. When you think of all of the health benefits that green smoothies present, all you taste is yummy goodness!" She said a little too brightly.

Jackson nodded slowly. "Yeah, I don't believe you."

"Try some," She handed her glass to him.

Jackson took it, sniffed and set it aside. He shoved his hands in his pockets, unsure of how to go about asking her what he was about to ask her. A few months ago this would have been a piece of cake, but a shift had happened since then and he now looked at April in a different light. A light that made asking her something as simple as coming with him to dinner with his family feel like he was asking her out on a date. "So," he started cautiously, "my grandfather and mother want to do an Avery dinner tonight at Canlis. I'm firmly against it but I really can't say no, family duty and everything. I was wondering if you would come with me?"

Her eyes brightened. "Really? Yeah! I mean, you're sure your mom and grandfather will be okay with it? It is an Avery dinner and my last name isn't Avery." She worried her bottom lip with her teeth.

"They won't mind at all. My mom loves you anyway." And his grandfather? Jackson looked at April smiling over at him. Harper Avery would love her too.

April grinned. "She definitely loves trying to hook me up with eligible bachelors."

Jackson didn't like the way that comment made him feel. "I'll tell her to cut it out tonight."

April waved him off. "Oh, it's fine. Lately I've been sorta hoping that she'd be successful in that." She looked away, busying herself with cleaning off the counter top.

"Why?" he asked curiously.

She shook her head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me?"

"I'm a thirty year old virgin, Jackson. I'm basically a movie waiting to happen and I don't want to be."

He frowned at her. He felt this confession was somehow directly linked to her little sister's engagement. "Don't want to be a virgin?"

She sighed. "Not that. Well kind of but not really. It's just that... I'm tired of being _that_ girl. I'm tired of being the punchline, the inexperienced one. Mostly, I'm tired of being alone." She looked like she wanted to take the words back as soon as they fell out of her mouth.

"April." He spoke her name softly. He never knew that she felt this way. He'd taken part in joking about her virginity, even if it was just by laughing at one of Karev's crass jokes. He was feeling like the biggest asshole for it now. "I'm sorry, I didn't know-"

"I don't want your sympathy, Jackson." She deposited the blender into the sink and turned on the water to rinse it out. "I shouldn't have even said any of this. Let's pretend I didn't." She focused her attention on washing the blender.

His thoughts filled with a million things to say but all of them felt inadequate, so he settled on, "I'll be wearing a blue tie tonight."

She nodded, a small grin tugging at her lips. "I have the perfect dress then," she replied. The change of subject seemed to brighten her mood. She grabbed one of the green crinkly things from off the cookie sheet. It crunched as she bit into it.

Jackson's face soured. "What is that?"

"Homemade kale chips. Want one?"

He shook his head. "I'll pass."

* * *

April pulled a deep blue strapless dress from her closet. She'd bought it in anticipation of a date that had never come. It had been hanging in her closet for a year since then, unworn, tags still attached. She laid the dress out on her bed and clipped the tags with a pair of scissors. Tonight she would wear it to dinner with the Avery's. She was finding it surreal that she would be dining with Jackson's family. April had always felt that Catherine Avery was a spectacular woman. She was daring and confident and brilliant. She boldly did things that other people only dreamed about. Catherine was simply amazing, and The Great Harper Avery? Well, she'd met him in passing once, years before, but now, tonight she would be having dinner with him. She knew doctors that would do anything for an opportunity like this.

After she'd zipped herself into the dress, April found a pair of nice black heels to wear with it. She pulled a black shawl down from a hanger in her closet to use in case the restaurant was a little chilly and grabbed her black clutch before heading out of her room. Jackson was already waiting for her. In his tailored grey suit, crisp white shirt and blue tie, he looked gorgeous. April couldn't help her smile at him. He returned it with one of his own.

"You look great," he said, holding his arm out to her.

April looped her arm in his. "Thanks, you do, too."

"Ready for dinner with the Avery's?"

"Beyond."

* * *

Dinner had gone better than Jackson had expected it to. April had charmed the pants off of his grandfather. Jackson thought the elder Avery might be a little smitten with her. And his mom had been on her best behavior, not once bringing up the fact that April was a virgin or trying to push any eligible bachelors her way. Jackson had managed to remain completely calm and civil with both his grandfather and mother, and the four of them enjoyed great food and good champagne.

"April, dear, would you like to get a better view of the lake?"

April looked up from her dessert excitedly. "Yes!" she breathed.

"Come on then. Let's leave these two to their men talk."

Jackson knew that was code for an "Avery" lecture from his grandfather about expectation and birthright. He'd probably throw something in there about accepting a fellowship at Mass Gen after he became a board certified surgeon, too.

April placed her napkin next to her plate and got up. Jackson stood, helping to move her chair out of the way. She shot him a reassuring smile before she walked off to join his mom.

Jackson followed her with his eyes until she disappeared around a corner.

"I like her," His grandfather spoke.

"Yeah, me too," Jackson replied, longingly, his eyes still lingering in the direction April had gone off in with his mother. It was a few seconds before he realized that he'd said it out loud. Retaking his seat, he met his grandfather's stare. Too late to take it back. Harper Avery smelled blood in the water and was about to go in for the kill.

"I hear that April has great potential as a trauma surgeon.

Jackson's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, what's it to you?"

"Mass Gen-"

"No, Grandpa."

The older man spread his hands. "You haven't even heard what I have to say yet."

"I'm assuming it will go something like 'Mass Gen has a great Trauma unit and we could use someone like April. Oh, and by the way, our Plastics unit would greatly benefit if you came along with her.' Does that sound about right?"

"Well, I would have said it a little differently…" Harper took a sip of his champagne, staring long and hard at his grandson.

Jackson downed his and raised his glass to the nearby waiter, motioning for another. He hadn't even considered Mass Gen as an option for his fellowship. It was out of the question for him. A huge no. "Grandpa, I'm not coming to Mass Gen. And this thing with April you think is happening? It's not like that between us."

"Then what is it like? Because I sat here this whole meal and watched you stare at that young lady like the sun rises and sets on her. Do you know you ordered her drink for her?"

Jackson shrugged, annoyed. "We're friends, I know what she likes."

"Do you realize that she told the waiter that you didn't want ice in your water before your own mother could?"

So what, April knew that he didn't like ice in his water. "You naturally pick up on a persons likes and dislikes when you've known them for as long as April and I have known each other and when you live with them. We're-"

"Friends," His grandfather finished for him, unconvinced. "You've always been stubborn, I don't know why I thought you'd change now."

"I love you, Grandpa, but your'e one to talk." Jackson finished off his fresh flute of champagne in two gulps.

The two men sat in silence for a time, both too immovable in their convictions for any type of pleasant conversation.

"The view is beautiful, Jackson," April shared, rejoining his side at the table. "Lake Union and the city and the mountains..." She was a little breathless and her face had that pink flush that she got when she was excited about something.

"It is, baby. April, you should take him to see it," Catherine said pointedly.

"Oh no, it's okay. I'm sure Jackson has already seen it," April said, when he didn't immediately respond.

Even though he felt his mother was up to something, he could use the distraction. "I haven't, actually, and I wouldn't mind clearing my head," he replied standing up. He took April's arm and led her away from the table. They came to the large floor to ceiling windows and stopped. Lights twinkled off of docked boats and distant city buildings onto the water. You could just make out the outline of the mountains in under the dark moonlit sky. His gaze dropped to April's bare shoulders and he had to fight the desire to touch her. It annoyed him because touching April used to be normal, should be normal, _would_ be normal if his feelings hadn't gotten so confused.

She looked up at him in that moment. Her eyes wide and full of happiness. He realized that this was the first time he'd seen her genuinely happy in days and he couldn't resist resting his hand on her shoulder, bringing her a little nearer to his side.

"Nice view," he remarked.

"You know, I've never been on the water?"

He didn't know that. "Really?"

"Yep. All of these years in Seattle and I've never once been on the lake."

"Maybe we'll go one day," he said.

She smiled. "That would be nice."

They fell into an easy silence as they stared out of the windows. Jackson's stare dropped every now and then to April as she gazed out with that hopeful look on her face.

It really was a beautiful view.

* * *

"You're meddling," Harper Avery said after the two younger doctors had left the table.

Catherine waved him off. "Oh hush, it's not like you didn't try. I'm just a better meddler than you are, that's all."

Harper had to concede. His daughter-in-law was right. She had always been good at positioning players just the way she wanted. Everyone usually did as Catherine directed, falling under her spell of charm and smarts. Everyone but her own son. Jackson had always been an enigma to Harper. His grandson had been an extremely bright child but too good-looking for his own good. When he began to lose an argument instead of digging his heels in and fighting to the bitter end, Jackson had to simply smile and everyone would forget that there was ever any argument to begin with. When he brought home his first B on a calculus test, his mother had been livid. Harper was irate. But Jackson was as nonchalant as ever. Telling them both not to worry, that his teacher liked him and he would get his A. Sure enough he had (like he had gotten everything in life he'd wanted) but it never stopped bothering Harper that Jackson seemingly breezed through life on his good looks.

The boy's father had been similar in that manner. Tall, handsome, things came easy to him. He'd become a top surgeon in only a few years after becoming board certified. The junior Avery had the makings to lead the Avery name into the twenty-first century, except he wanted none of it. His son shrank from responsibility, shied away from expectation, and ran from the Avery name. Harper had been happy when his son married Catherine, because at least she was brilliant in her own right and a daring surgeon, always ready to rise to any challenge. Surely, Catherine Avery would be able to bring the full potential out of his son. But not even Catherine, formidable force that she was, had been able to show his son that being great wasn't something that you ran from. It had been twenty seven years since he'd last seen him. That was his greatest disappointment in life and he saw too much of his son in Jackson. Always shying away from greatness, hiding from his family name, scared to live up to the legacy.

What was the purpose of legacy if there would be no one to proudly take the reigns when Harper was ready to step down?

"I think that April Kepner could be good for him," Harper said, musing out loud.

"Oh, I agree. I'll admit to not seeing it coming but when I look back on it, it was there all along."

Harper exhaled in a defeated way. "I asked him to come to Mass Gen."

Catherine raised her brows, interested. "And his response?"

The silence told the story. "He's stubborn."

"He'll come around," Catherine countered.

"He refuses to see a good thing when it stares him right in the face."

Catherine couldn't argue that.

"Talk to the girl." That was key. April Kepner was the key to bringing his grandson over to his side. Harper knew this without a shadow of a doubt.

Catherine didn't look so sure. "That's dangerous ground. Jackson hasn't even admitted to himself that he's in love with April."

"We need him, Catherine. The Avery legacy needs him." It wasn't like him to be desperate, but he was getting old and he wanted everything that he'd built from the ground up to continue long after her was gone. It wasn't going to happen with his son. Jackson was all he had left. "There's too much of his father in him," he finished, disgruntled.

Catherine raised her champagne flute to her lips, her brows hitched in disagreement. "That, dear father-in-law, remains to be seen."

* * *

"Thank you for inviting me, Jackson," April said softly as they made their way back to their table. His hand was on her waist, a gesture that she wished she didn't notice so acutely. But she was aware of everything where Jackson was concerned now days. She'd noticed the tension between he and his grandfather that left him quiet and withdrawn. When he'd put his hand on her shoulder as they took in the view, she noticed how he'd hesitated before doing it. She noticed that there was something bothering him that had maybe been bothering him for a while but she'd been too tied up in her own drama to see it earlier.

"I should be thanking you for coming," he replied. "I don't know if I would have been able to make it through dinner with both of them without you."

They reached the table, reclaiming their seats.

Catherine smiled at them. "Well, tonight has been lovely, hasn't it, Harper?"

"It's always nice to spend time with family," the elder doctor replied. "And, April, it was nice to have you. You're welcome at my dinner table any time."

"Well, thank you," April said, surprised by the man's enthusiasm. She glanced at Jackson, who smiled tightly at his grandfather.

"A toast then?" Catherine said, raising her glass. They all joined her. "To family, friends-"

"And legacy," Harper added.

"_And legacy_," Catherine agreed.

They all clinked glasses.

April really enjoyed the Avery's. She'd always been a fan of Catherine's and Harper Avery was a legend. He had so many stories to tell and an abundance wisdom to give, and he wasn't stingy with it like you might expect someone in his position to be. He gave it freely. Of course, Jackson was her favorite Avery, though sometimes she wondered how he could be a product of these two forces. Jackson was gentle and not pushy, he was reserved and introspective. Sure, he could banter and joke with the best of them, but to get to really know Jackson Avery wasn't an easy thing.

They talked for what seemed like hours. Until the restaurant was mostly empty. They filled up conversation with shared cases and stories of groundbreaking surgeries and medical discoveries. Both Harper and Catherine gave them advice for the boards. It was a long time before April looked at her watch and saw that it was well after closing.

"They left it open a little later to accommodate us." Harper Avery, winked.

"We should probably get going. Work in the morning," Jackson said.

"Get home safely," Catherine said, hugging them both.

The Great Harper Avery, stood, shaking his grandson's hand and then April's. "I hope to see you soon," he said to her.

April felt like she was walking on a cloud as they exited the restaurant. She was on a natural high. Spending time with one of the greatest in the field could do that to a person.

Their ride home was quiet. April had wanted to jabber on and on about how amazing it had been to be in the company of his family but Jackson was distant and thoughtful so she bit her tongue and kept her thoughts to herself until they got back home. "You're granddad is really an interesting man," she said, removing her heels. She looped a finger through the sling backs.

"He's overbearing," Jackson countered.

"He just loves you," April reasoned. "Thank you, again, for tonight."

The way he looked at her was disarming. His eyes were a turbulent blue-green, as if a storm brewed behind them. She became lost in them.

He stepped closer to her. "Thank you for coming." A stray curl that had fallen from the rest of her hair and curled over one eye seemed to catch his attention. He moved it out of the way with one finger. Her breath caught, and her heart pounded loud in her ears. "April," his voice coursed through her, touching every nerve, sending little shock waves through her body.

"Jackson." Her own voice was husky. Tentatively, she lifted her hand to his face. Just as her fingers met his cheek the door opened.

They both jumped away from each other, busing themselves with unimportant tasks. Jackson picked his Jacket up from the table and April fiddled with her clutch.

"Alex," she said, a little breathless. "You're home."

"Way to state the obvious," Alex snarked as he brushed past them and into the kitchen.

April caught Jackson's eye for a second before looking away. "Well, goodnight!" She said, her voice a tad higher pitched than usual.

"Goodnight," Jackson agreed, hastily.

"Yeah, night," Karev grumpily added from the kitchen.

When she'd made it to the safety of her room, April sat slowly down on the bed. Her heart still raced and she felt wired. She spent what felt like hours playing that moment over and over in her head. Imagining what might have happened between she and Jackson had Alex Karev not come in when he had.

Maybe it was a good thing that Alex had come home. It did successfully prevent them from doing whatever it was they were about to do. But what had they been about to do? It was all too confusing and exhausting to think about.

_Sleep._

Sleep would do her good. She would go to sleep and in the morning things would go back to norma, the way they always did. Even if normal was only something they pretended to be now.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello, everyone! Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. After the great response to part 1, I wanted to make sure I gave a good follow up. Then I was hit with a bit of writers block that I think I've worked out. I can't promise faster chapters but I'll definitely try. How about that season premiere? It left me completely gutted! I might have shed a tear or two. Anyway, working on this fic has helped me exercise some of my upset into making Jackson and April more fleshed out and whole characters. I hope you like this next part. :)

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.

**Part 2: Avoidance**

Just as April had expected, Jackson behaved as if nothing had happened between them, and so, she did as well. They still carpooled to work together, ate lunch together, studied together, and behaved like two best friends who had never almost kissed.

They pretended.

Or at least she pretended, she wasn't sure what Jackson was doing or if any of it mattered to him at all. Maybe he'd gotten caught up in the evening and that's why he leaned in the way he had and his voice had deepened the way it did and he'd looked at her like… like he'd _wanted_ her. Yes, that had to be it because she hadn't seen that look since then and there were times when she would search for it only to be disappointed when it wasn't there.

As days passed, April stopped trying to figure Jackson out and focused on trying to figure herself out. She'd spent countless restless nights attempting to make sense of her feelings for Jackson. She replayed every second they spent together over and over in her head, analyzing and picking every detail apart until she got so worked up she'd jump out of bed, hit her desk lamp and reach for her notebook.

April always resisted the urge to open the journal, but she couldn't stop going back to it again and again - staring at it, remembering how confused about herself she had been at the point in her life when the book had been her lifeline. The notebook represented a time of insecurity that April was happy to forget because she wasn't that girl anymore, at least that's what she often told herself. Lately she wasn't so sure. Every now and then she could feel whisperings of that forgotten girl trying to fight her way back to the surface and it made April question if she had really moved beyond her past insecurities at all? Had she only tucked the old April away in a notebook under her mattress and then in an old shoe box before finally stashing her away in a desk drawer?

A knock at her bedroom door had April dropping the notebook into her drawer and shoving it closed. "Yes?"

It was Jackson. "You busy?" He asked, opening her door and peeking in.

Her room suddenly felt too small. He stayed near the door. "No, just cleaning up a bit."

Jackson's eyes swept her room. "I was going for a walk. Wanna come along?"

"Yeah, sure. Just let me get my shoes."

"Alright," he said and left her room.

And there it was, Jackson being Jackson. He was completely unaffected by what April felt to be this huge thing between them. He asked her to do everyday mundane things and went about business as usual, meanwhile she was completely scrambled up inside over him.

April laced up a pair of sneakers and met Jackson at the front door.

They took their normal route out of their apartment building and followed the sidewalk until they came to a neighborhood park where they veered onto the park trail.

"I'm gonna miss this," Jackson said, more to himself than her. He glanced down at her as if just realizing that he'd spoke aloud. "And by this I mean you... us."

"I know what you mean, who is gonna cook you dinner and keep the coffee stocked? Who are you going to let beat you every time you race them? You'll be lost without me, Jackson Avery." April knew she was turning something serious into something light hearted, but there was no way she was prepared to have a realistic conversation with Jackson about how much she'd miss him. Here she was right beside him and she was already missing his presence in her life.

"I'm serious, you know, but I am capable of making my own dinner and buying my own coffee." April shot Jackson a disbelieving glance and he added, "I just prefer your cooking."

"And I suppose you don't let me win every time we race either, right?"

"Can I plead the fifth?"

April laughed, throwing her hip into his side. "Where do you think you'll be a year from now?" she asked.

He appeared to turn the question over in his head before answering, "New Orleans."

April's heart sank a little. It was getting real. They were spending their last weeks together right now. Soon, they would both head in separate directions. "So, Tulane it is?"

Jackson gave her a lopsided grin. "I think. I don't know though, Emory is offering a pretty sweet deal."

They picked up the pace of their walk to a light jog.

Breathlessly, Jackson asked, "What about you? Where will you be a year from now?"

"Oh, I don't know." Her feet pounded down on the wet leaves and twigs beneath them. She seriously had no idea where she wanted to go. She had offers from some great programs but none of them jumped out at her as the place she wanted to spend her Fellowship, though Case Western Reserve was close to home.

"Neither would I if I had a million choices." Jackson added the last playfully.

"Stop it," April shoved him lightly and they came to a stop in the middle of a clearing, catching their breath.

"What? You're great. You deserve it. All of it." He smiled down at her.

There was that look again. That smoky intensity that made her heart flutter and her cheeks flush. April looked away, tucking an errant lock of hair behind her ear. She wondered if he knew what his smile did to her?

A light drizzle started to fall.

"We should get back before it starts coming down," Jackson said, squinting up at the leaden sky.

She was really going to miss this too. Miss him and miss them. "Race you?" she propositioned, knowing he could never resist the opportunity to let her beat him home.

"Go!" He shouted, and they both took off at a sprint.

* * *

Jackson slowed just as they got within sight-distance of their apartment. April ran past him, throwing him a knowing grin.

He let her beat him every time they raced. Not because she'd care if she lost, but because it made him feel good to see her win. She'd leap up and throw a fist into the air while whopping. Her face would flush into a soft pink color that he found adorable and he would tease her about letting her win. The best part about it was that it gave him an opportunity to see April completely free and not all bottled up and tightly coiled in the way she normally was.

"Feel like getting some study time in?" Jackson asked. He was pretty confident that they were both going to ace their boards. At this point he used studying as an excuse to have more alone time with April.

"Yeah, sure," April answered breathlessly, still winded from their run.

They were greeted with the chiming of April's phone when they got inside. She grabbed it from the table, scrunching her nose up at what he figured was an unfamiliar number. "Hello?"

Jackson pulled his damp hoodie off and started for his room.

"Dr. Avery?" April's voice was a mix of surprise and uncertainty.

Jackson stopped. What was that about?

"What? Really? I'm… I'm honored!" April's looked to him with large excited eyes.

Jackson hooked his hoodie around the back of his neck, curious.

She was nodding and smiling. "I will definitely consider the offer."

Jackson suddenly felt the room close in around them.

"Thank you, thank you." She paused. Nodded. Smiled. "Of course. Will do. Bye."

They stood there for what seemed like forever. April staring at her phone in disbelief and Jackson staring at her. After a while, April finally looked up. "That was your grandfather. He offered me a position at Mass Gen."

Jackson knew it already (even though he'd only heard one side of their conversation) but having April tell him outright what his grandfather had done still hit him like a ton of bricks. The man was duplicitous.

Jackson didn't know what to say but April was standing there expecting him to say something so he hazarded, "You're not seriously considering it, are you?" Okay, not what he should have said.

Her expectant smile waned and she stared at him a little harder. "I'm going to consider it like every other offer I have."

"Come on, April," Jackson reasoned. "Isn't it a little late for offers?"

Her eyes narrowed into a glare. "What is it exactly that you're trying to say?"

"Nothing," Jackson said quickly. He should stop now, not say another word. Anything else would just be digging his own grave. Problem was, he couldn't stop - that would be letting his grandpa win and he couldn't have that. "But… none of this seems strange to you? He didn't put his hat in the ring until just now when other hospitals have been after you for months? Think about it, April."

April's expression soured. "He said that he enjoyed me, he likes my energy, he looked into my background after that dinner and he thinks I'll be a great addition to Mass Gen. What's there to think about? Besides the offer, I mean." She cast her eyes down and shoved a damp hank of hair behind her ear.

Jackson began to pace. April didn't understand the dynamics at play here. She had no clue what his grandfather was up to and he hated that the man had put his best friend right in the middle of their life long tug-of-war. It was unfair to her and now Jackson was stuck in a position where if he told her the truth, he would hurt her and if he didn't, she'd probably end up hurt eventually anyway. He stopped pacing and looked at her; rain dampened and confused by his behavior. He owed it to April to be honest about his grandfather's intentions.

"April, that night at dinner my Grandpa implied that he wanted me at Mass Gen. Maybe he feels a good way to get me there would be through you."

April sighed, deflating like a punctured balloon. "You said implied. Did he ask you or not?"

"No. I mean, he didn't come out and say it but I know him, he's-"

"So he never said it?" she further clarified.

"No."

April turned away from him, starting in the direction of her room before abruptly stopping and turning back. "Why would he think that getting me to Mass Gen would get you there?" she asked, her eyes wide and curious.

Jackson couldn't turn back now. He'd already started the ball rolling. It was time to put everything on the table. _He saw how I looked at you_, he thought. _Somehow he knows how I feel about you_, he added. But what he ended up saying was, "He'd try anything." Weak, feeble, cowardly: All great words to describe him right now.

April let out a harsh, humorless laugh. "You're full of it," she bit out. "I'm a damn good doctor and if you think that anyone would want me based on some ill perceived notion that it would bring you along for the ride, you're crazy!"

He'd done it. He'd hurt her and he was the biggest jerk for doing it. "You don't know my grandfather," he tried to reason.

April stared at him in disbelief. "I'm starting to wonder if I even know you."

That was a slap in the face if Jackson ever knew one. He was speechless as April turned on her heel and walked away. A few seconds later April's door slammed closed, marking the period to their conversation. Jackson slunk to his room and collapsed on the bed. Minutes ticked by and then hours. Before he knew it, the sun was setting and he hadn't even showered. More time passed before he decided to stop feeling sorry for himself long enough to get the dried up sweat off of him. The shower he took was hot and steamy, just what he needed to refocus. He'd put his foot in his mouth with April. Repeatedly. He hadn't wanted to hurt her, he'd only wanted her to understand.

_And how do you expect her to understand if you can't man up and tell her just why your grandfather would use her to get to you?_

Jackson ended his shower and toweled off. He dressed in a pair of jeans and a t shirt and made the short walk across the living room to April's room. She had the largest room on the other side of the apartment from him and Karev. He knocked on her door and waited. No answer. He knocked again, this time calling her name. Still no answer. He contemplated opening the door but then thought better of it. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I wanted to talk," he said to her door. He waited, listened, heard nothing, so he headed back to his room just as the lock turned in the front door. Jackson fully expected to see April walk through it with an annoyed expression on her face but it was Karev.

"Hey," the other doctor said. "I'm heading to Joe's in a few. Coming?"

"Nah," Jackson declined. "I should study." He'd been spending less and less time at Joe's lately and more time with April.

"Suit yourself," Karev grumped. "Hey, April!" he called. "I'm going to Joe's, you should come."

"I don't think she's-"

"No thanks!" April's voice chirped from behind her door. "Studying."

So she was ignoring him. Great. That decided things for Jackson. "On second thought, I will come."

* * *

April's mood was in direct correlation with the weather: Misty and dreary.

She hadn't stopped her little spurts of tears since she'd slammed the door in Jackson's face earlier. The nerve of him to say that she wasn't good enough for Harper Avery. She only knew Harper through Jackson's eyes and words and though he had such adjectives for his grandfather like overbearing and determined, he'd never once made it seem like the elder Avery would sink so low to get his way. Besides, someone as smart as Harper couldn't possibly think that hiring her would entice Jackson to give up great prospects like Tulane and Emory. But Jackson… he was _so_ convinced, so agitated, so unlike himself. Had it been any other hospital, he would have celebrated with her but his issues with his grandfather clouded everything that had to do with Harper Avery in Jackson's mind.

It wasn't like she was going to Mass Gen, anyway. She would give it careful consideration like every other hospital that wanted her, but she had no intention of moving to Boston. None at all. If Jackson could only see that. If he didn't have to make her being wanted by a great surgeon like Harper Avery all about him, his family, his issues.

It always came back to that with Jackson. From the very first time she'd heard his last name and saw the way he shrank from it when the questions came. Any other doctor would have puffed and preened at the attention the Avery name gave them, held their head a little higher at the prestige, but not Jackson. No, Jackson looked pained when the Avery name was mentioned, his smile was always tight like it hurt him to fake it. "Yep, _that_ Avery," was all the response he'd given to anyone who'd asked - before easily changing the subject like he'd done it a thousand times before. Probably had.

When his grandfather had visited Mercy West their intern year, Jackson made sure to be everywhere his grandfather wasn't. While interns, residents, and attending's alike all vied for the revered doctor's time, his grandson had been noticeably absent - to April, at least. She'd found him in the library, seemingly hiding behind a stack of medical journals. They hadn't been best friends back then, Reed was her best friend, but Jackson was a friend and he looked like he needed one.

_"Hiding?" April asked._

_Jackson looked up from the journal he wasn't reading. "I like to call it avoiding."_

_"Can I avoid with you?"_

_"Be my guest," he said, motioning to an empty chair across from him._

_April sat down. "Wanna talk about it?"_

_"Not really."_

_She nodded. "You know, I get it."_

_"I said I didn't want to talk about it," Jackson grumbled. _

_"You have this grandfather who is larger than life," April continued, ignoring him. "He's a God in the medical world. Everyone whose anyone knows him, every doctor worth their salt wants a chance at the award that carries his name. People look at you and think 'wow, that's Harper Avery's grandson. I wonder what he can do?' And you know they think it, you know they compare, you know they watch extra closely. I'd be hiding, too, if I were you."_

_He looked at her strangely, like he saw through her. "No you wouldn't. You'd be eating it up, April. I know you."_

_"What?" April feigned shock, because he was right. She loved to be recognized, she lived for it. She spent hours journaling about how amazing she was, about how great she was going to be. If she had the lineage Jackson had, she wouldn't be hiding in the back of a hospital library, that's for sure. _

_"Don't act like you wouldn't."_

_"Fine, I won't." _

_They sat quietly for a while._

_"Did you meet him?"_

_"Not yet. Too much of a crowd."_

_"Figures."_

_"I'm sure he would love to see you."_

_"I just saw him last week. We had dinner."_

_Another long silence followed where Jackson was unreadable. What did she think she was going to accomplish seeking him out? What did she think she would say that would make him decide to emerge from his self imposed exile and go see his grandfather? She wasn't good at things like this. She wasn't good at people and relationships. She talked too much, rambled, said the wrong things. She-_

_"Thanks."_

_April's brows shot up. "Me? For what, I didn't do anything."_

_He cracked a smile, his blue-green eyes sparkling a little. "You're here when you could be out there hovering around my grandfather like everyone else. You're being a friend... Thank you."_

April wanted to understand Jackson and be a friend to him now. She had wanted to tell him to come in when he'd knocked and accept his apology when he offered it from the other side of her door, but she couldn't. He'd really hurt her. He was being very un-Jackson-like and that angered her. Jackson was her calm in the storm, he was the one who reasoned with her when she got too wired, he was the one who picked her up from bars and got her home safely when she drank too much. He laughed at her bad jokes, he ate whatever she cooked (as long as it wasn't too green) he spent time with her. When she had no one else, she had him. He was the last person she would expect to hurt her and somehow he'd hurt her worse than anyone ever had.

Tears sprang to her eyes once again and she furiously wiped them away.

* * *

The redhead that sat down next to Jackson at the bar was not April. Her hair was too bright, her perfume too strong, her voice too husky. She was nothing like April, but she was easy on the eyes and she laughed freely and she was uncomplicated. Jackson half listened to what she was saying and tried to focus on anything other than the way the buttons of her shirt pulled taut around her breasts.

It had been a long time since he'd enjoyed female company this way. He'd spent one too many nights tossing and turning in his bed alone. He wasn't used to being a saint or to coming home every night only to study or fall asleep exhausted after a long day at the hospital. On the most basic of levels, he felt he had gone too long without sex and he was tired of denying himself.

_And for what?_

The answer came easily enough.

_April._

The reason why he was denying himself, if he was honest, was because the only woman he wanted to sleep with was a virgin, and his best friend, and yeah, a virgin. Jackson took a shot and forced his thoughts away from April, their argument, and how much of a jerk he'd been to her today. He needed something easy for the night and this woman was giving him all of the signals that she was what he was looking for.

Jackson set his glass on the bar. "Wanna go back to my place?"

She pushed her face close to his and smiled seductively. "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

April was in the kitchen making a some hot chocolate when Alex stumbled into the apartment.

He grinned roguishly when he saw her. "Great night, you should have come."

"I'd rather pass my boards," April replied tightly, noting that he hadn't brought a woman home with him. A first in a long time. "Surprised you're alone tonight."

He grabbed a bottled water from the fridge. "All the cute ones were taken." There was a hint of disappointment in his voice that made April roll her eyes.

She didn't get Karev and his constant need for sex. She'd gone her whole life without it and was just fine, he pouted when he went a day without it. "Where's Jackson?" she inquired nonchalantly, staring down into her mug."

"With some hot redhead."

April's stomach dropped. Suddenly she didn't want the cocoa. She set her mug down on the counter.

"He surprised me. I was starting to wonder if he'd ever get back out there. It was getting kind of lonely, just me…" Alex mused.

April wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Gross." She didn't want to hear about Alex's sex life and she wanted to hear even less about Jackson's.

"For a while there I thought that you and Jackson had a thing going. Guess I was wrong about that."

April hated that Karev's comment interested her so much. "Me and Jackson? Why would you think that?" She hoped she didn't sound as curious as she felt.

"All that studying together _alone_ at night, dinner with his family, the way he's been looking at you."

The last bit gave April a little vindication. It was a relief to know that it wasn't just her imagination running wild where Jackson was concerned. "He doesn't look at me… _in a way_."

"You're probably right. I mean, you're a lot different from the girls he's usually with. Don't know what I was thinking."

Now she was offended but oddly interested. "What does that even mean?"

Alex scrunched up his face and took in her appearance. "Don't take this personally, but you're April Kepner."

"Yeah, I won't take that personally at all." she replied sarcastically.

"I just mean that you're sweet and innocent and you wear terricloth robes and cook Susie Homemaker meals."

April knew that Alex hadn't intended to be mean, he was only teasing the way he always did, but she had to turn to the sink to hide the hurt on her face. "Goodnight, Alex," she dismissed him, her voice too high.

"Hey, April, I didn't mean... Look, you're a great girl. You put up with _me_. Any guy would be lucky to have you." Karev was doing his best to amend his previous statements.

"It's fine, Alex." She knew she wasn't Jackson's type. She'd seen the women he'd dated through the years and none of them were like her.

"Night," Alex grunted before leaving the kitchen.

She waited until she heard his door shut before she heaved a long disappointed sigh and poured her hot chocolate down the drain.

* * *

Jackson couldn't do it. It wasn't that he didn't want to, because he really, really wanted to. It was that he couldn't.

On the cab ride back to his place things had gotten pretty hot and heavy with the redhead in the back seat. She was everything he needed at the moment: an experienced woman with no inhibitions or expectations. She didn't know him, he didn't know her, they both knew this was a one night thing.

Perfect.

Except it wasn't.

Somewhere between kissing her and having her hand go up under his shirt to press against his abdomen, he'd whispered or moaned or outright called her _April_. It was the hair, he told himself even though it wasn't the right shade of red - it had to be the hair.

She pulled back. "It's Cynthia, I told you that at the bar."

"Right, Cynthia. Sorry." He reached for her and she went willingly back into their make out.

Jackson's hand fisted in her hair and it was stiff under his fingers, weighed down in hairspray. He removed his hand to run down her back and then went to kiss her neck but her perfume was strong and cloying. By that point, he realized that he was looking for anything to turn him off.

Jackson stopped. "I can't do this." His breath was hard and heavy. "Sorry. My head isn't in it.

Cynthia pulled away and flopped back against the seat. "Fine." She sounded slightly annoyed. "Can you take me back to the bar?" she asked the driver.

They made a U-turn at the next light.

Jackson let out a long silent breath and focused on the rain that trickled down his window. When they got back to Joe's, Jackson helped her out of the car and back to the entrance. "I'm really sorry about… um… waisting your time."

She waved him off. "No big deal."

Jackson headed back to the cab.

"Whoever April is," she called after him. Jackson's heart thudded hard in his chest at hearing his best friend's name on a stranger's tongue. "One lucky lady."

Jackson didn't respond, just got in and headed for home.

* * *

This time, Jackson didn't stop knocking at April's door until she answered it.

She squinted against the hallway light as she tried to focus on him. "Jackson? It's late... or early, I don't-" the last of her sentence was lost in a yawn.

"I know it's late but I need to talk to you." April was wearing a flower print robe that he was sure was covering equally flowery pajamas. Her hair was tousled from sleep and her eyes were a little red, probably from crying - and somehow she still made the hot redhead, that he'd been minutes away from having sex with, pale in comparison.

She relented, opening the door wider for him. "Fine, come in." She kept her arms crossed over her chest defensively. That stung.

Jackson stepped inside and closed the door behind him. "I was an ass today and I apologize for it. Instead of being a friend to you, I got caught up in my own mess and projected. You're right, my grandfather wouldn't make an offer for just anyone. He knows you're talented, he knows you're a great doctor and that's why he wants you."

April dropped her arms, shaking her head. "I understand. We're all under pressure right now."

She was forgiving him too easily. He deserved to have her yell at him or something. "I hurt you."

"You did."

"I'm sorry."

"You already said that."

He stepped closer to her. "You should be angry at me."

"I am!" She flailed her arms. "I'm very angry at you. No one has ever made me feel as… as…. as _worthless_ as you did today."

Jackson rocked back with the impact of her words. "That was never my intention. I only wanted to protect you."

"From the big bad Harper Avery, I know." There were tears in her eyes. "He's really not as bad as you make him out to be, Jackson."

He sighed, frustrated. It was complicated. Avery's were complicated. How could he make her understand? Jackson pinched the bridge of his nose in contemplation. A million thoughts came to mind, reasons he could use to get April to see things his way. In the end he went with the truth. "My dad ran. He left my family behind and ran. I wasn't even out of diapers when he left." The words tumbled out of his mouth in a rush. He surprised himself as much as he did April, who sat down on her bed like the wind had been knocked from her sails.

"I had no idea. I mean, I knew he wasn't around but I never knew why."

Jackson sat down beside her. "Yeah, well, it's not something I talk about." Ever. This was the first time he'd told anyone anything about his dad. Jackson flexed his hands before placing them flat on his knees. "You know, they don't say it but my mom and Grandpa think I'm a lot like my father. I can see it in their eyes sometimes; their fear that I'll cut and run like he did."

April placed her hand over his. It was comforting and his words came more freely.

"That's why my mom accepted me in Plastics so easily. She'd have me anywhere but Plastics but she's afraid that if she pushes the issue, she'll lose me. And Grandpa, he's subtle. He never comes right out and says what he wants from me, instead he'll orchestrate a situation to make it happen. I jumped to the conclusion that he was doing that with you today, and it was unfair to you because _you are_ great, and as far away from worthless as a person can get." He conveyed the depth of his last sentence by gripping the hand that April had placed over his. He held it, his eyes fixed on their entangled fingers. "So, again, I apologize.

April nudged him in the lighthearted way she sometimes did. "I accept." Her mouth turned up into a sleepy, crooked, adorable smile.

Jackson was surprised by how at ease he was talking about his father with April. He didn't even talk about the man with his mom since the one time he tried had ended in tears. It had been during a drive home after one of his little league championship games. After spending the the celebration secretly envious of his friends with their father's, he couldn't take not knowing anymore and asked Catherine why his dad wasn't there like all of the other kids. He still remembered her pulling the car over and crying. No, not crying, sobbing. Even as a little kid, her tears had shook him and he hated his father because he was to blame. From that moment on, he swore he'd never mention the man again. Anyone who caused his mother so much pain wasn't worth remembering, so he'd pushed the his dad from his thoughts all together.

Until now.

With April, things were different. She didn't ask a lot of questions or look at him differently or pity him. She was simply there for him, small but immovable in her support.

They sat together, fingers laced for a while. Then April asked him if he wanted coffee. She suggested decaf because it was late and because she was April and April always knew the right things to do at the right time. They sat down at the table and talked about unimportant, safe topics.

"I expected you to show up here with the hot-redhead Alex told me about," April said, looking up from her coffee.

He could kill Karev. "Yeah, that didn't work out." Jackson cast his eyes away from her and rubbed at his neck. He didn't want to think about why it didn't work out. Not right now, sitting across from the only red-head that was worth his time.

He noticed her mouth settle into a slight frown.

"What's wrong?"

"I-" she started, but then she stopped herself, placing a hand to her mouth as if to keep words from spilling out, "-I should go to bed."

He nodded, too tired to press the issue.

* * *

Jackson stepped off his flight from Atlanta to Boston, glad to be back in his hometown for a couple of days. He'd spent the past week either on a plane, sitting in an airport, or in interviews with hospital administrators. He was mentally and physically exhausted - and ready to fall asleep for the next twenty-four hours. He hailed a cab outside of the airport and directed the driver to the address of his childhood home. He would have picked a hotel for his stay but his mom insisted that there was no way that her baby boy could come home and stay in a hotel. She assured him that she would be a work most of his stay, which was code for he wouldn't have to endure her meddling ways, so he relented and agreed.

Jackson looked down at his phone, checking for the third time since he landed for a message from April. Her flight was supposed to have touched down a few hours before his. She was in town to interview with Mass General. True to her word, she was considering his grandpa's stomping ground like she said she would.

Jackson still had his reservations about the whole thing but he was sure that April wouldn't pick Boston over her other choices, so he kept his contrary comments to himself. Which was admittedly hard to do at times. The truth was he still didn't completely trust his grandfather where April was concerned. The man had never given up without a fight and Jackson knew that the elder Avery wasn't above getting his hands dirty to have his way. Jackson intended to give April some pointers in dealing with his grandfather when they met up for dinner later.

The cab pulled up to his gated home twenty minutes later. Jackson keyed in the code and the gates slowly opened, creaking a little like they hadn't been oiled all winter. He wasn't at all surprised to see his mother's car in the driveway. All that talk about her having to work the whole time he'd be in town was just that, talk. She'd probably taken the two days off just to be a burr in his backside.

Jackson paid the cabbie and headed for the front door. He didn't even have to pull his key out before the door swung open and his mother stood before him, smiling from ear to ear. "Baby." She held her arms out.

"Hi, Mom." Jackson bent to give his mother a hug. "I thought you'd be busy with work," he teased.

"I will be, actually." She pulled away. "I had to get someone settled in first."

Jackson set his bag down in the entryway and closed the door behind him. "I think I can manage settling myself in. It's not like I didn't grow up here." _And visit every time_ _I'm in town_, but he kept that remark to himself.

"Good thing I wasn't speaking of you then." Catherine Avery sashayed away from him down the long hallway that led to the kitchen.

Jackson was left standing there with a confused expression on his face.

He left his bag behind and followed his mom. When he entered the kitchen, he stopped still in his tracks. April Kepner was sitting at his kitchen table.

"Jackson!" April said excitedly when she saw him walk in.

"April?" She looked relaxed and at home sitting with his mom at the table. Something inside of him stirred and he felt that familiar tug at his heart that came so frequently when in April's presence.

Catherine was placing platters of food down on the table. "Baby, April is going to be staying here while she's in town. I couldn't let her come to Boston and not stay with friends. I know you don't mind, you two are roommates, after all."

Jackson had a few choice words for his mom but that could wait until later. April was looking at him expectantly and he didn't want her to mistake his shock for something bad.

"My mom's right. This is the perfect place for you to stay while you're here. Don't know why I didn't think of it."

"Because you're a man," his mom said matter-of-factly, placing a pitcher of lemonade on the wooden table.

Jackson let the comment pass without remark because she was probably right and went to hug April. His best friend felt good in his arms and smelled even better.

As Jackson took a seat at the table it wasn't lost on him that he was dining with the two most important women in his life.

They ate chicken salad on croissants, drank fresh lemonade courtesy of Amelia, Catherine's personal chef, and talked shop. Jackson shared his feelings on Tulane and Emory as he'd narrowed his choices down to those two. He felt like Atlanta would have been a great place for him a few years ago but now New Orleans was the better fit, but he wasn't one hundred percent decided since Emory had thrown in a huge housing allowance to sweeten the deal. April buzzed about her excitement over all of her choices but she was leaning towards Case Western Reserve since it was close to home.

"But you haven't even interviewed with Mass Gen yet," Catherine butt in.

April wiped her mouth with her cloth napkin and replaced it in her lap. "I'm sure I'll love it, but I hadn't even considered Boston as a possibility until two weeks ago." She glanced at Jackson who shot his stare down into his plate.

He absolutely hated the subject of Mass Gen but he did everything he could to keep those feelings to himself and not impose his mistrust of his grandfather onto April.

"What time is your interview tomorrow?" Catherine asked, filling up the sudden uncomfortable silence that fell over the room.

"Two-Thirty tomorrow afternoon."

"I'll take you," Jackson piped up.

Catherine clapped her hands together at her chest, "I think that's a perfect idea."

Jackson gave his mother a knowing look. This was working out just the way his mother had planned it.

"Well, I should get going. I'm working on a exciting case of conjoined twins."

Jackson and April stood and said their goodbye's.

"Thanks again, Dr. Avery," April said.

Catherine waved it off. "No thanks necessary, April. You're practically family." She kissed Jackson's cheek and patted his arm as she left the kitchen. "Have a good night, you two."

Jackson turned back to April. Looked like it was going to be just the two of them for the night. He had to hand it to his mom, she couldn't have set this up any better if she tried.


End file.
